Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
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