Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
