Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
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