We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
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