he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Randomize
