If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
