Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
