Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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