We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Randomize
