i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
