i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Randomize
