no, he came in my armpit
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
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