Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
