my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Randomize
