I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
