Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Randomize
