I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
My balls are so social today.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
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