i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
The beer is more important than you right now.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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