Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
