Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
