I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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