her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
