do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
