Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
