we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I am naked and annoyed.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
