So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
