69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
