can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
