He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
We are all done wearing pants today
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
