some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
