dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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