he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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