U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
