You can't motorboat a personality
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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