its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
