I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
