i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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