I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
