maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
