I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Randomize
