I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
