you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
