I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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