covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
i drank out of a bidet.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
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