mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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