u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
