she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
