Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
