So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
