you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
